Ok, so I have never been very good at journals, or diaries. I haven't even kept up with my baby books, but that needs to change! I am on a daily journey to become a Proverbs 31 woman. And what better way to keep myself in check, then to make myself accountable to all my friends.
First, let me start out by giving you my testimony. I know that a bunch of people already know it, but, since I am not proud of the way I have lived my life in the past, some of you may be shocked by what you are about to read.
I was saved in August of 1983. Yes, I was only three years old, but I was raised in a christian home, and in church 3 times (at least) a week. My mom taught our Wednesday night class, and it was during one class that I came to realize that I was a sinner, and Jesus does not like it when I sin. It was the next evening before I was saved though. I know some pastors that say you cannot be saved as a child, but I disagree. I believe that we have faith stronger as little children, and that once that seed is planted, it WILL grow. I would love to say that being saved as a child kept me from fulfilling the lust of the flesh, and my worldly desires, but, sadly, this is not the case. Don't get me wrong, I was a good little girl (for the most part), but I was not anchored in Christ. I was following rituals and traditions, and never fully understood what exactly a 'personal' relationship with Jesus Christ was. I prayed, and read my Bible. I did devotions with my family. I went to church. I talked the talk. I even was "walking the walk" for a time. But it was more out of habit and rules, than feeling personal convicted. This is why, in 1991, I became angry with God, instead of allowing Him to comfort me. That is the year my Grandpa Inman died. I was close to my grandparents. I used to go visit them all the time. My grandmother would show me how to bake (she is the BEST baker in the world!), and my grandfather would show me how to cook (he was AWESOME). We used to watch video's (ELVIS), and just hang out! I was so mad when my grandfather got sick with cancer, and eventually died. This was my first encounter with death, and never talked about how I was feeling with anyone. I kept it locked inside, and that anger and bitterness continued to grow, and breed. As I dealt with more incidents of death (my Uncle Lloyd, and Aunt Robin, and also my other grandfather) and traumatic events over the years, they just added to all the anger that I already had. I really battled during this time as to whether or not I was really saved. Looking back on it now, I KNOW that I was, as I constantly felt the Holy Spirit working and prodding; trying to get me back on the right path. I was in a Spiritual Battle from 1991 to 2004. Thirteen years, of going back in forth from God to the world. Being a lukewarm christian. Never fully repenting for what I had done (feeling guilty, yes! Being willing to take myself out of the sin, no!) I am ashamed to say that I was worldly. Fornication, drunkenness, smoking, doing other things that are not pleasing to God. Always trying to justify what I was doing by throwing myself a pity party. Saying "If God doesn't want me doing this, then why did He allow _________ to happen!" Blaming my sin on my circumstances instead of my circumstances on my sin! It took a literal blow to the head to bring me back into the Will of GOD! I would not recommend it to anyone, but I am grateful that the LORD loved me enough to do whatever it took to bring me back to Him! In 2004, I was living with a man, and not focusing on God. Oh, I went to church occasionally, but not if I had something better to do. I would feel SO guilty during those services and know that I needed to change, but I was too scared to do it. That is why, in July of 2004, I had a brain bleed. I was at work and got a bad migraine. Nothing new to me as I have had them since a child, but with this one, my hand writing went from beautiful to illegible in 1 minute flat. All on one little sticky note. My Dr. said it was just from the Aura, or effects of the migrains, and it wasn't until 3 days later and driving off the road, barely able to use the right side of my body, that I went to the ER and found out the bad news. In the months that followed I had another bleed (VERY RARE for my condition), and was told a number of awful, scary things. I was told that I would probably be a Vegetable if I had another bleed. That I had an anuerysm in my brain that would probably burst if they don't clip it, but I would die on the operating table if they tried, so they were going to wait and see if I was still alive in 8 months, and if so do it then! And, that I would need to have a complete Hysterectomy, because I would never be able to survive pregnancy. I had no other source of Peace at this time than God! We always turn to Him in our troubles, and this is what I did. They had put me on meds to battle depression, and they made me have REALLY dark thoughts! So, when ever I got one of those thoughts, I sought out The WORD, and prayed! I went to a few different NeuroSurgeons, and got different opinions, and finally found an answer at Thomas Jefferson University Hospitial in Philidelphia, PA. They were going to clip my anuerysm, and said that I would be able to handle pregnancy with proper care. This was a HUGE relief, but now came the hard part. Knowing that they were going to be operating on my brain! I was going to church faithfully now, (as long as I could get out of bed), and I visited a friends church one Sunday and heard an AWESOME message from Revelations 21. A completely detailed description of God's Kingdom in Heaven. It sounded so beautiful! More than I could ever dream, and during that service I gave my life back over to God! My doubts, my fears, my sins. I had truly repented for the first time in YEARS! And OH, The Peace that filled my soul! I went into that surgery without a bad thought. I can honestly say I was not even scared. The Lord took my fear! I had had the opportunity to get right with God, and to get right with those I had wronged. I didn't want any regrets, and the Lord blessed me with allowing that to happen. Needless to say, I made it through the surgery, and a second emergency surgery a week later. And my walk with God becomes stronger everday. He has truly blessed me! Especially since I have been in His Will! I have my two beautiful children, a wonderful, godly husband, and more than I could ever ask for!
Well, That is my testimony. And the children are up from their naps, so I will have to go for today. But I feel like I made a good start. If you read this. Just leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Have a blessed day!
